I have had one ectopic pregnancy. It was hard because there are no real treatment options. No mother should be asked to choose her own life over the life of her child. The risks are real and scary. I was in pain for about four weeks of my ectopic pregnancy. I had bleeding early on and my progesterone dropped very low. It was assumed that I lost the baby. But the placenta can continue to grow if it isn’t expelled. In retrospect I believe that is what happened to me, but at the time I didn’t want to make any assumptions about the life of my child. I was being monitored closely every two days and harassed to take the shot, and once that window of opportunity passed because of my higher HCG levels, to have surgery.
The doctors play on our fears and convince us that we will die if we don’t end our child’s life. I couldn’t do it. I kept hoping and praying and waiting on God. In the end, just when pain was getting very serious, God spoke to us through my husband saying that he would help me. The next morning I awoke for the the first time without pain. Three days later showed that my beta had dropped by 30%. It continued to drop daily. It resolved without surgery or Methotrexate. I knew the risks well. We temporarily moved in with my in laws to be closer to the hospital. I kissed my children everyday as if it might be my last. It was very scary, but in my mind there was no other option. I was completely unwilling to potentially end my child’s life with surgery.
I am now pregnant again even though my tubes are completely blocked down the entire length of one and distal 2/3 of the other. The fact that I am even pregnant is a miracle. This is only my second pregnancy in 14 years and my first pregnancy in 7 years.
I am even firmer in my convictions this time. I have armed myself with the hope of God and I am completely unwilling to kill my child to save my own. I will wait on the Lord and pray. I accept the risks and I understand that I could die. Still I wait on the Lord. No matter what happens, I believe that God will get the glory. He is able to put this baby in my uterus…glory to God. He is able to save my baby if it is in my tube….glory to God. He is able to save my baby if it is in my abdomen…glory to God. He is able to spare my life…glory to God. And even if I die, he gets the glory because of the testimony it will give to the sanctity of life. The only way I can imagine that God doesn’t get the glory is if I kill this child by accepting the standard ectopic “treatment”.