After an Ectopic

I have had a hard time mustering the will to write this update on my ectopic pregnancy. We knew the dangers, yet we believed there was always hope.

My doctor, an older Christian man, was willing to take a more conservative watch and wait approach with me. He told me of a patient he once had who was found to be pregnant with twins. One twin was in the uterus; the other was an abdominal ectopic. He was reluctant to do surgery for fear it might endanger the uterine pregnancy. So they monitored her closely. As they had hoped, the ectopic baby passed away quietly and the other baby was eventually born without complications. He told this story to me and my husband as if that were a happy ending. There was still a child to mourn. But, like so many, he didn’t see it that way.

So when I went for my ultrasound January 4th, I was told the “good” news – my ectopic baby had died. It took me completely off guard, both the tragic news and my doctors attitude about it. I can understand, as a doctor, why he felt it was good news. But it was my BABY for Pete’s sake. Why can’t people seem to understand this?

It took me a month of dragging myself around before I could even begin to act normally. Even now, almost 2 months later, I’m still sad about it. Yes, life goes on. And yes, God is seeing me through this difficult time. But it is still hard to lose a child, no matter how small and no matter where it was implanted.